A NEW YEAR

year 2010 has come and gone by one off the most happening year of my life in retrospect every year has been "happening" but 2010 more so. life has its ways of teaching a person a lot of things and even when you feel u are in a dead end u finally find ur way thru the solid brick wall which u later feel was jus a stone in front of ur eyes. things that was once the most important part of ur life suddenly become meaningless. how muchhh marks in half yearly and cycletests used to mean to us then now we don bother abt it at all do we... everything in life takes a backseat when new problems come by. 2010 was a year of new things leaving hostel, realising how important hostel life was to me.. thru cribbing and crying thinking it was horrible and later realising how muchh fun we had there things learnt without realising its importance......

decisions that had to be made after bachelors and the responsibilities that come along with it..... made me realise im actually becoming the "grown up"!!(quite scary) and eventually sticking to the decision and coming to the uk.. first time on flight and to a place so far from HOME quite intimidating!!!! 2010 was grt no regrets when i look back at it it ahs been a year of hope and promises and it was FUN!!! it ended with a bang with 2 of my favourite ppl hooking up :P

hope 2011 brings more joy and fun with expectations being fulfilled and promises kept!!!!

u k or not ok?

so excited jumping up and down with joy out of depression of sitting at home i was filled with positive emotions when i got my visa's processed and tickets booked.im not sure about the rest of u but it was my first time on flight more excitement.....ypiee bidding bye to frnds and family with very little sadness(which is probably guilt that they are sad more than the sadness itself) and looking forward to a complete new life and transformation and a whole new world filled with only food things,fun excitement and probably learning new things.little was i aware that im getting to far more lonly world than i was in and so many things to teach me and make me realise how privelaged i was bak home and how things that i took for granted are so important.

i used to go "no wayyyy im not eatin that stuff at amazing idlis and atleast 2 different types of chutneys and sambhar" and now all i get to eat is bread and cornflakes and occassionally rice when we have "the time" to cook how now i'd die to eat idlis!!!! spending 200 rs on coffee in barista was a casual thing to do bak home when managing finances was left to mum but here spendin 1pound on milk and bread is so difficult and i think a zillion times to pick up anything other than the bare essential!!!!!
to my friends back home i would've never come across as a miser or anywhere near i would probably be the first person to say yes to a movie or to go out but here a movie is something that i feel is not necessary...

learning to trust ppl is quite hard surrounded by ppl u barely know when u had been surrounded by ppl whom uve known for ages ... making new friends learning to cook managing finances and managing yourself after the one month of excitement sounds so trivial but its a real task to do it..... and the best part of all this is the weather when uve lived all ur life in Chennai where the minimum is 26 getting adjusted to a 7 degree average is not easy.......

now dont get me wrong and think im a pessimist coming abroad has taught me a lot and its jus been a month and im sure im gonna have fun but just that things we took for granted bak home are the things that we miss the most...... and it makes such a lot of difference to be alone

mystery...

Left alone i feel lonely
If accompanied a feel chaperoned
Fighting with myself and the world
Envisaging life filled with contradiction

I am alone in this world
Surrounded by people who care

Am i crazy or is it the world

Meaningless as it may seem
Years that passed seems like a dream
So unreal like it never happened
Tears flow as i think about it
Every second i valued is jus a dream
Reality is jus like a mirage, but
Yes its all probably just me...

feeling the rain!!

as i type this im looking out of the balcony watching the rain drops fallin on the leaves and making it look lush and green the air smells clean.... everything looks new and beautiful... how i wish there was something like the rain to give us all a new perspective to life and make it feel fresh and new and full of color...

life is a juke box!!!!!!!!

the world is really a funny place! you never know wat comes out of the jukebox i was all complicated yesterday so full of myself and mixed up emotions!! today i wake up to a near perfect mornin with mom bustling around!!i'd agreed to meet someone whom i hardly new i was full of doubts before i left but something in me asked me to give it a shot and i went with my instincts!! i actually enjoyed the day quite a lot and most importantly i made an effort to let my past be and not worry about it too much!!
i talked much more than wat i wouldve even to my best friend and felt at ease the world is truly strange u never know who u'll meet and wat they will be to u!!! i found a friend in the stranger i met today god knows wats nex in the juke box!!!

where is the small part of me?????

sitting on my couch trying to find comfort in the softness of the couch i find none im let sore but the soreness i guess is not because of the couch its my heart i realized....ive heard many say their
heart is filled with pain and the pain is unbearable not in the physical sense though i laughed then i just hadnt felt that never felt my heart devoid of happiness but then ya today realisation dawned on me and i felt the voidness and the pain but why today of all days why now i don know answers to tht all i feel is emptiness and i feel all l lonely but then i also know I'm not alone as i type this i hear my dads snore and forwards on my mobile screen im alone but with people who care life feels devoid of purpose i laugh when asked to smile when i have to be polite... i hang out with my friends and do everything a normal person would but there is a part of me missing and i don know when ill find tht small part of me!!!!!!!!!

CONFUSED

In a beach i sit

Alone and lonely

Mind afar from my body

Caught in a world of my own

One too many stare at me

No one but me can understand my state

Feeling the need of a mate-who

Understands my heart

Someone who cares to share my pain-someone to

Elate me from my pain-in a beach i sit

Donning a frown a frown too big!!!!!!!!!!