claustrophobic

A NEW YEAR

2011-01-04T05:44:00.000-08:00

year 2010 has come and gone by one off the most happening year of my life in retrospect every year has been "happening" but 2010 more so. life has its ways of teaching a person a lot of things and even when you feel u are in a dead end u finally find ur way thru the solid brick wall which u later feel was jus a stone in front of ur eyes. things that was once the most important part of ur life suddenly become meaningless. how muchhh marks in half yearly and cycletests used to mean to us then now we don bother abt it at all do we... everything in life takes a backseat when new problems come by. 2010 was a year of new things leaving hostel, realising how important hostel life was to me.. thru cribbing and crying thinking it was horrible and later realising how muchh fun we had there things learnt without realising its importance......

decisions that had to be made after bachelors and the responsibilities that come along with it..... made me realise im actually becoming the "grown up"!!(quite scary) and eventually sticking to the decision and coming to the uk.. first time on flight and to a place so far from HOME quite intimidating!!!! 2010 was grt no regrets when i look back at it it ahs been a year of hope and promises and it was FUN!!! it ended with a bang with 2 of my favourite ppl hooking up :P

hope 2011 brings more joy and fun with expectations being fulfilled and promises kept!!!!

u k or not ok?

2010-11-12T11:35:00.000-08:00

so excited jumping up and down with joy out of depression of sitting at home i was filled with positive emotions when i got my visa's processed and tickets booked.im not sure about the rest of u but it was my first time on flight more excitement.....ypiee bidding bye to frnds and family with very little sadness(which is probably guilt that they are sad more than the sadness itself) and looking forward to a complete new life and transformation and a whole new world filled with only food things,fun excitement and probably learning new things.little was i aware that im getting to far more lonly world than i was in and so many things to teach me and make me realise how privelaged i was bak home and how things that i took for granted are so important.

i used to go "no wayyyy im not eatin that stuff at amazing idlis and atleast 2 different types of chutneys and sambhar" and now all i get to eat is bread and cornflakes and occassionally rice when we have "the time" to cook how now i'd die to eat idlis!!!! spending 200 rs on coffee in barista was a casual thing to do bak home when managing finances was left to mum but here spendin 1pound on milk and bread is so difficult and i think a zillion times to pick up anything other than the bare essential!!!!!
to my friends back home i would've never come across as a miser or anywhere near i would probably be the first person to say yes to a movie or to go out but here a movie is something that i feel is not necessary...

learning to trust ppl is quite hard surrounded by ppl u barely know when u had been surrounded by ppl whom uve known for ages ... making new friends learning to cook managing finances and managing yourself after the one month of excitement sounds so trivial but its a real task to do it..... and the best part of all this is the weather when uve lived all ur life in Chennai where the minimum is 26 getting adjusted to a 7 degree average is not easy.......

now dont get me wrong and think im a pessimist coming abroad has taught me a lot and its jus been a month and im sure im gonna have fun but just that things we took for granted bak home are the things that we miss the most...... and it makes such a lot of difference to be alone

mystery...

2009-10-10T21:16:00.000-07:00

Left alone i feel lonely
If accompanied a feel chaperoned
Fighting with myself and the world
Envisaging life filled with contradiction

I am alone in this world
Surrounded by people who care

Am i crazy or is it the world

Meaningless as it may seem
Years that passed seems like a dream
So unreal like it never happened
Tears flow as i think about it
Every second i valued is jus a dream
Reality is jus like a mirage, but
Yes its all probably just me...

feeling the rain!!

2009-08-16T22:19:00.000-07:00

as i type this im looking out of the balcony watching the rain drops fallin on the leaves and making it look lush and green the air smells clean.... everything looks new and beautiful... how i wish there was something like the rain to give us all a new perspective to life and make it feel fresh and new and full of color...

life is a juke box!!!!!!!!

2009-08-16T10:21:00.000-07:00

the world is really a funny place! you never know wat comes out of the jukebox i was all complicated yesterday so full of myself and mixed up emotions!! today i wake up to a near perfect mornin with mom bustling around!!i'd agreed to meet someone whom i hardly new i was full of doubts before i left but something in me asked me to give it a shot and i went with my instincts!! i actually enjoyed the day quite a lot and most importantly i made an effort to let my past be and not worry about it too much!!
i talked much more than wat i wouldve even to my best friend and felt at ease the world is truly strange u never know who u'll meet and wat they will be to u!!! i found a friend in the stranger i met today god knows wats nex in the juke box!!!

where is the small part of me?????

2009-08-15T12:23:00.000-07:00

sitting on my couch trying to find comfort in the softness of the couch i find none im let sore but the soreness i guess is not because of the couch its my heart i realized....ive heard many say their
heart is filled with pain and the pain is unbearable not in the physical sense though i laughed then i just hadnt felt that never felt my heart devoid of happiness but then ya today realisation dawned on me and i felt the voidness and the pain but why today of all days why now i don know answers to tht all i feel is emptiness and i feel all l lonely but then i also know I'm not alone as i type this i hear my dads snore and forwards on my mobile screen im alone but with people who care life feels devoid of purpose i laugh when asked to smile when i have to be polite... i hang out with my friends and do everything a normal person would but there is a part of me missing and i don know when ill find tht small part of me!!!!!!!!!

CONFUSED

2009-08-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

In a beach i sit

Alone and lonely

Mind afar from my body

Caught in a world of my own

One too many stare at me

No one but me can understand my state

Feeling the need of a mate-who

Understands my heart

Someone who cares to share my pain-someone to

Elate me from my pain-in a beach i sit

Donning a frown a frown too big!!!!!!!!!!

don know wat state i am in!

2009-08-14T23:45:00.000-07:00

im happy

im sad

im elated

im glad

i really don know wat state i am in just so confused and mixed with emotions!! it just changes as i wink!my friends don understand me nor does my family not that i expect them to cause i don understand my emotions myself!!! why this sudden change? why me why now so many questions unanswered so many emotions to be dealt with no wonder everyone says life is complicated!!

winner truly stands alone-paulo cohello

2009-07-03T05:59:00.000-07:00

for a long time i was complacent to read paullo cohello dont know why probably thought it was all a drab then i went shopping and spotted this RED color book i caught my attention and i bought it with second thoughts... it kept lying on my shelf for quite some time before i picked up but once i started it was really amazing and beautifully written more than the story-line the portrayal of the insight to a characters was good and it gave an amazingly true insight to the persons mind and heart and wat love could do to a person.

cohello has described how each person is a world of their own and when someone dies they destroy a part of the world which no one can rebuild or replace..

the book made me think quite a about things we do for people we love in the process hurting others intentionally or unintentionally the book is worth a read and hope to find more of cohello's work

hospital hustle!!!

2009-04-11T21:15:00.000-07:00

i was recently admitted in hospital for nothin serious but a slip disk..i was in no mood to miss college since there was lotta fun i was going to miss.... but true to the doctors words though it was no serious the pain was excruciating but 4 days at tha hospital gave me an insight to life. as i reached the hospital the first thing that hit me was were there so many people suffering from so many disease it was quite a number that i dint get a room. but on my doctors insistance i was put on one of the beds in the emergency... thanks to him i lost my sleep for 2 nights in a row the emergency for ever is like a flea market.. the first day night though i was heavily sedated i was not able to sleep....the next mornin i was wheeled away for a zillion tests and as i waited for eternity to get these tests done i kept watchin i saw this little girl with her father....she had almost lost half her hair fighting cancer but the smile she wore on her face covered her flaws she was truly happy to be living at that moment here i was sittin with a big grouchy face and grumbling for missing all the fun in college and pytiing myself for nothing...i realised the value of life then...thanks to the hospital and the little girl for showing me one smile can change the world for another person

TRAPPED

2009-02-14T11:21:00.001-08:00

trapped inside myself?!?! is it possible to be trapped within oneself but thats exactly how i feel right now i just wonder if i can get out of myself and shake myself up and crawl back inside?!?!do i sound phsychic or does this happen to everyone?i feel i don know anything about myself leave alone what i want to do next.is this some sort of wierd dream where i am a stranger to myself.stayig throgh the night staring at the blank walls wondering who i really am?eerie!!!but to the world around i am as normal as i could ever be no one but me knows that there is a storm inside!!!probably its going to take longer than i expect the storm to settle

loneliness!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-02-14T02:52:00.000-08:00

loneliness is a biter sweet medicine.im one such person who was always privileged with great friends and an over supportive family.through my school days my parents and friends were all a girl could ever ask for not that i realized they were rare or special but as i moved out to hostel family or friends could not come along.new people new faces friends were not dificult to make but it was not possible to replace the old once but as i started growing accustomed to them and started growing attatched to a hand picked ones i was stung hard those whom i trusted werent trustworthy.i did gradually build back a set of friends but i did realise that no one except ones own self comes till the end friends and family are an integral part of life and not life itself.

amazin book-a must read!!!!

2008-08-25T03:43:00.001-07:00

michel chrinton's timeline is a muist read for all u sci-fi buffs its amazin!! its the epitome of imagination threaded so beautifully with science its one of the best books ever...... it goes on to say about how time is constant and about multiverse it explains on layman terms about quantum theory......in other words even if u knoledge on science is zero u'll understand this one real well....

here goes a part of wat i inferred from the book

The General Law of Physics:

“Nothing can be created nor destroyed in the Universe”. One can only change the existing materials to suit according to convenience.

The Universe is made of Atom subdivided into particles. Air, Water and Earth all are made of atoms. In the event of atoms being sparse, it is air, somewhat clustered is water and in solid it is very close. All living and non living creatures are also made of atoms.

Light, Radio, sound all travel in waves. They are also composed of particles and they travel in a fixed fashion. The particles interact with each. Particulars may be individual or clustered. It is proved that these particulars interact with each other.

However, though Energy (Quantum) waves are also made of particles, they defy the general principle of traveling as a wave. There is no clear pattern of their traveling. Sometimes, they may travel in waves, but in general there is no particular pattern. The energy particles also may be identical or atypical. It is observed that these particles also interact with each other and atypical particles also interact with some non existent particles. The big question being how an atypical particle is interacting with another non existent particle. The theory advocated by many is that these atypical particles interact with similar particles with other a typical particle of other universe or they may also interact with particles of yesteryears. In the event of later being true, then it is also true that atypical particles exist in yesteryears. This Michel Crichton describes as “Multiverse” or multi universe.

Multiverse or multiuniverse in simple term is nothing but the time line which is history and not destroyed. The particles that existed then are in other words stored in compartments viz:
so thats for now

cousins day out!!!!!!

2008-07-18T04:11:00.001-07:00

after a reallll longggg weekend all of us wanted to chill as we were racking our brains with pocket empty my phone buzzed and there was my sister sweety inviting a whole lot of trouble with a smile to her place!!!wat more could we ask for so we packed all that we could find to bring hell down to earth with our noise!!!! we set out armed got stuffed in a little car(stuffed is not the word can u iomagine 10 brats in a tiny car !!!!lol) and crashed at my sis's place!!?!!! here starts the real story as we land there we hog on whatever we get our supply of food keeps getting replenished by my jeeju.we scream our heads out and have a blast and after the glucose level came down we started playing cards till god knows wat time!!!!!!!our morning alarm goes on at 6:30 by my baby cousin adu asking for "baba" (wondering wat it is)its bread in his words we finally switch off the alarm by getting him wat he wanted after lazing around in the morning sleep deprived we head out to eat brunch and off we head to watch a movie in the worlds best/cheapest theater my sisters tv that was the cherry to the cake.tiered as we were we all headed back home for the start of yet another week of hard work humph!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

beach boon or bane???

2008-06-23T08:19:00.000-07:00

what was supposed to have turned out as an enjoyable evening turned out to be hell!!! wondering wat im talking about? i went to the beach wit my cousins yesterday it dint turn out as enjoyable as it sounds first and foremost we got caught in traffic (now don start tellin me its there everywhere but not as much as near the coast) there were at least 4 traffic police there but still it hardly suffices for the traffic on reaching the beach u can barely park ur car without getting a big scratch on it finally u've won over most of the traffic and parked and all by this time its almost time to leave but we din have the heart to go without a bite of the oily "bajjis" so u go hunting for one and almost all the bajji shops are closed(not because we were late but due to govt orders) we spot one or two "illegal" bajji stalls and have our fill by the time u finish u feel all exhausted worse than a hard day of work and our modus operandi of commin to the beach was to relax!!!!!